On the Posthumous Slut Shaming of Amanda Todd
I first learned about Amanda Todd when some random Facebook “friend” posted a photo of her next to a photo of a boy, asking why so many people cared that she killed herself after exposing her breasts, yet no one cared about the suicide of the boy who was bullied for being ugly.
Never before have I seen child suicides pitted against each other. What could be so polarizing about Todd? The answer came in the form of a video the young Vancouver girl made, shortly before her suicide.
In the over eight-minute-long video, Todd tells viewers that her troubles started when she went on a webcam chat and flashed a guy at his request. The man later found her and made her life hell, causing her to switch schools (the hacker group anonymous released a video today claiming they had discovered who Todd’s initial tormentor was).
Todd then had a fling with a guy who had a girlfriend. The boy she liked came after her, along with his girlfriend and others. She was physically attacked. She publicly claimed the affair was all her fault to protect him. She was so tormented after this misdeed that she drank bleach and started cutting herself. She switched schools, but no one at her old school would forget about her, and they kept posting pictures on Facebook to humiliate her.
Today, less than a week after the 15-year-old’s death by hanging, memes making fun of her for drinking bleach continue to be circulated. The Twitter peanut gallery has turned her death into a lesson for young girls everywhere: if you make a mistake involving your body, even when you die, we won’t care. People are claiming Todd did more than just flash the initial guy, as if that somehow condemns her, they also call her a drug addict, as if that means we should care less.
Frankly it’s disgusting.
Todd is not just a victim of cyberbullying, she is a victim of vicious and violent sexism entrenched in our culture. It’s a force so pervasive, that sometimes the only way out for a young girl is death.
It’s possible Todd thought her death might make people think twice about humiliating girls for their sexual mistakes. Maybe she thought the people who bullied her might feel bad or think twice before treating another young girl this way. However, cultural attitudes towards women are so set in stone that nothing–not even the suicide of a young girl like Todd– can reverse them. In fact, misogynists are taking Todd’s suicide as validation for their misbegotten practice of slut shaming. Though it is painful to see the world to react to Todd’s suicide in a less than compassionate way, I hope it makes young girls everywhere think twice about taking their own lives. The justice you deserve will only be attained if you live on to fight for it. RIP Amanda Todd. It doesn’t “get better,” we just get better at dealing with it.
| Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255 |
| National Suicide Prevention Lifeline |
*Editors note: Images are screen shots taken from various websites today, Tuesday October 16, 2012.
Images have been modified to prevent their proliferation in an unintended manner.
There are actually a group of teens and young adults who think this whole thing is a hoax because the news didn’t reach them (predominantly in the UK). It’s a sad day when these teens plead ignorance.
I think that Amanda Todd made an huge mistake not in showing her tits, but in suiciding. Who cares if everyone saw your tits on Internet? Who cares of popularity at school? And after all, who cares of bigot friends?
I also ten years ago was photographed by friends naked at the sea for a joke. That photo had circulated for years in my city and I don’t care at all. The years have passed and no one cares about it. I never had any problem, maybe because I’m a male.
So why that can’t count for a female? Every naked girl is a bitch? Why someone should think that a naked woman is gross when they are so pretty? Come on, we aren’t still in the Middle Ages! Fuck you bigots.
I totally agree. It makes me mad to see so many people say the moral of the story is to not show your tits. Not only because that implies this is all her fault and she deserves what she got, but because there shouldn’t be anything wrong with showing your tits.
That’s not what people are implying. They are saying there are terrible people on the internet who will make your life hell. Not everyone can accept mistakes are made. So yes, the moral of the story is not to show your tits unless you like cyberbullying. And to be frank, there is something wrong with you if you think posting yourself naked on the naked is okay. It’s really not. What she did was a mistake, but that doesn’t mean she deserved what she got.
Although I think we are ignoring she also slept with a 13 year old boy which really is wrong specially since he had a girlfriend. She shouldn’t deserve to die but she is not an angel. She was a teenager who didn’t have her life together and her death is her own fault since she was the one that downed the bottle of bleach.
She had the choice to live and get help, but she didn’t. No one should ever value life so slowly to all of you cutters out there.
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I agree. Everyone makes mistakes. The difference is how we handle them.
[...] has essentially become popular on the back of a dead girl. Amanda Todd killed herself after she was stalked and made fun of on the Internet, then tried to reach out to others through the Internet for solace shortly before her suicide. And [...]
Her parents don’t know how to raise a child properly. Behind every teenage suicide is a parent who has no business having kids.
And how exactly would you handle your child being relentlessly stalked and bullied? Her parents moved her between schools out of concern for her.
If I was her parent, I would’ve sent her into therapy and supported her and monitored her computer usage.
What an obvious and weak troll. Nice try dude, maybe next time.
Omg! Every single one of you people have got to be the most ignorant people i have ever seen in my life! She like many Many others of people in this world was bullied…. And To Death! She made a mistake who gives a dam so have every single one of you! Suck it up and give her and her family respect! Pictures really and comments grow the hell up! U were all bullied and are all bullies yourselves. Show some dam respect and shut up! STOP BULLIES CANADA! U guys discus me
WHY DO PEOPLE TEASE THEY SHOULD MAKE BULLING ILLEGAL JUST ON MISTAKE AND YOU GO ROUND WITH GAY PHOTOS TEASING THE POOR GIRL JUST WANT HAPPENED TO THIS WORLD WHATS HAPPENING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
[...] suicide due to the torment and bullying. If that weren’t bad enough, the slut-shaming has continued after her death. The pressure to be sexy, the need to be admired, and shaming a girl for doing just [...]
[...] to be called a slut and punished for her victimization one more day. Even now this CHILD is being posthumously slut shamed and blamed for her own hell. How is this different from an “honor killing” in the Middle East? Worst [...]
[...] weeks after the suicide of Canadian teen Amanda Todd, Garcia’s death exemplifies a disturbing trend not only in suicide of young girls, but in [...]
It is very sad that she took her own life but I do not think she should be made into a martyr. She had sex with a guy who had a girlfriend. Do you really expect that girl and her friends NOT to be mad at her. Would you not say mean things to a girl who had sex with YOUR best friend when you where in high school? It may be “bullying” but her actions really made it inevitable. Don’t have sex with another womans man and expect her to high five you after your done. It is a tragic story though and I wish she was still alive so she could redeem herself and live a happy life. Hopefully she is in a better place now. Tragic, sad story but NOT a great example of the horrors of bullying. More like a predictable backlash at someone who had sex with someones boyfriend and sad decesion to take her own life.
This. Everyone seems to only want to glaze over the fact she slept with a boy in a relationship, focusing on how she showed her tits. Showing your tits isn’t a big deal. Sleeping with someone who is available isn’t a big deal. You do NOT fuck someone who you know isn’t on the market. That is not to say he isn’t just as much at fault as she is, but seriously, that was a complete bitch move.
wow .. I have seem ignorant people before but most of you make me sick! Yeah the girl made a mistake so what, I dare a single person on this site to come forward and try to claim they are 100 % innocent. Obviously most of you deserve NO RESPECT at all. Justifying reason that she should have been bullied, calling her a slut,bitch and other names. as for her making bad choices without regard to consequences omg .. seriously how many kids do any of you know that are that age that think any harm is going to come from their actions ??? This is why people commit suicide, because of sanctimonious bigots and judgmental people like yourselves. Most of the commenters on this page make me ashamed of the human race.
the only person to be mad is the girlfriend. any one else who bullied her is a weak-minded follower and should mind their own goddamn business
“she had sex with a guy who had a girlfriend”
Exactly, he had a girlfriend, he is/was in a relationship!
She was single, he is the one that is morally and ethically in the wrong here and you are faulting her?!
She had no one and was already in a very vulnerable state and desperate for someone to like her.
By that time she had been bullied and dismissed by others for years.
He was being nice to her and giving her attention and asking her to come over, but she is the bitch?!!!
The only one at vault for cheating on the girlfriend is him, he could have said no.
As for showing her tits, she was 12 and really just a kid.
That perverted child molester should be in jail.
Well said. Why was the boyfriend forgiven? How come he got off scott free? Why wasn’t the girlfriend at least as mad at him? That’s the part that really gets glazed over. Screw this society.
When you make stupid decisions you have to be prepared for the consequences. She didn’t just bare her breasts or sleep with someone’s boyfriends. She did several sexual and nude shows on webcam. Some of these images are still online and she was clearly proud of what she was doing. Personally, when I was her age, I wouldn’t want to be friends with a girl like that. And that goes for many others, because people have different morals. So her isolation was the result of her own actions, and you can’t do things like that and not expect people to talk, especially if you do those things frequently. Sorry, but I have no sympathy for someone who expects no consequences for very deliberate poor choices.
Saying something or deciding not to be friends with her is very very different from what was done to her.
Enjoying and making fun of someone that desperate that they attempt suicide is not just”saying something”
It is cruel and unnecessary.
Wishing for her to die really just ex possesses you as a really cruel and inhumane person without any empathy for others.
Someone with very bad morals that i certainly would never want to be friends with or even share a table with.
The way she was pursued and harassed after moving away several times only exposes these kids as people who are not going to grow up to be the kind of people who will be a benefit to society.
They enjoy the misery they can bring to others, and are actively looking for their victim.
You are also a very cruel and judgmental person.
omg why would people do this wherever wrote a bad comment should see how it feels and go do something because you are a bully
[...] Subject: Amanda Todd http://fakepretty.com/2012/10/on-the-posthumous-slut-shaming-of-amanda-todd/ [...]
[...] Subject: Amanda Todd http://fakepretty.com/2012/10/on-the-posthumous-slut-shaming-of-amanda-todd/ [...]
Ran into this by accident, a year late but feel like throwing in my two cents. I agree that people posting hurtful/mocking memes and comments after the death of anybody – regardless of age, gender and how they died – is disgusting. On the other hand, I do not think Amanda Todd should have been given all the publicity and praise by the media. She is no martyr. When you mess up, you ride the storm. Mistakes are met with repercussions. She flashed, people took the mick. She had sex with another girl’s boyfriend, the girl got angry. That’s life. My main concern is how people portrayed this young lady as a role model – like some symbol of hardship and warriorism that ended tragically, when in reality, she fucked up and weaseled out of facing the music. Suicide, by no means, should be pitied. It’s cruel to the ones that love you, pathetic and cowardly. Yet nobody points out the message this girl has sent children going through similar situations – god forbid it could be deemed trendy, after all, you do become famous. But the real moral of this story – which by all means truly is tragic, I do not think for a moment that it is not – is that kids are trying to grow up too fast. If anything, it’s societies fault. We put far too much pressure on our young by exposing them to an over-sexualized planet. Kid’s shouldnt be interested in having sex at 15 and being deemed attractive, they should be playing with dolls, for christ’s sake! Amanda Todd was nothing more than a victim of this cruel world, trying to run before she could crawl. Instead of wasting all this time trying to stop kid’s picking on others with slutty antics – which is really all that has happened “it’s okay to flash your boobs and have sex at 15 we all make mistakes” – yes, we do, but no. It really isn’t okay, it’s disgusting – we should be trying to stop children being exposed to shitty popstars who sing about sex whilst jiggling about a stage with no clothes and the like. You have all the time in the world to be an adult, but very few years as a child.
Flashing your boobs does not hurt anybody. Having consensual sex does not hurt anybody. So yeah, slut shaming is wrong. And Amanda Todd did nothing to deserve what she got.
Perhaps the real issue needing to be addressed is helping those who have made attempt or are prone to suicidal tendencies. We should also not forget the survivors and family members who have to live with the trauma left when a suicide occurs. Let us honor this brave young lady’s sacrifice upon the battlefield of injustice. She died well and with honor. It is a shame that she never knew in life that she was not as alone as she imagined; That only in death did she find comradely. We must honor this fallen warrior by giving aid to those who still yet live as she did, shamed, bullied, cast out. We must stand up for these people and let them know that they are not alone. Also, we must fight for them, for many are too broken and fragile to defend themselves. If the bullies wish to bring war upon our brothers and sisters, upon those we love, then let this serve as firm and final warning, no mercy will be spared, no quarter given, an eye for an eye, a heart for a heart, a soul for a soul. We will hunt you. We will find you, and we will destroy you at every opportunity. You, the bullies out there and you know who you are, have left us no common ground for diplomacy. I encourage each and every person who has witnessed any acts of bullying to meet hostile acts of aggression with hostile acts of aggression. It’s time the bullies had to look cautiously over their shoulder and know true terror. Time to let them know there are more of us then there are of them. We have the power. To those of you who feel that you are alone and without a voice, stay strong and know that you are not alone in your suffering. Every day will not be a good day, but, then again, no two days are alike. Life is war you must always be vigilant and fight. The best reason not to end your life is this, your life is worth far more than you could ever imagine, if it was not, then why are so many people out the so hell bent to try and take it from you? Every day that you live, no matter how bad it gets, is a personal victory over your enemies and will make you stronger than your enemies will ever be. If you don’t believe me just look how powerful a warrior Amanda Todd is, even after her death her enemies still can’t let her memory fade. Because they know she is still more powerful than they will ever be. They know that long after their bones have become dust and history has forgotten their names, hers will still remain. She played the greatest action of humiliation upon her bullies. She through their cruelty she got them to immortalize her. The final victory is hers. Freed of her mortal corpse she may now grant us her strength and light our darkest hour with her light.